


No ifs ands or butts about it

by KB0821



Category: BLACKPINK, Red Velvet - Fandom, blackvelvet
Genre: F/F, Fluff, blink and you'll miss Chaennie, maybe crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-26 01:29:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20734010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KB0821/pseuds/KB0821
Summary: Her butt is the first thing that Irene notice.





	No ifs ands or butts about it

**Author's Note:**

> One of the most randomest things that I have wrote. Inspired from a trip to the tire shop. Hope you all enjoy!

It was her butt that Irene noticed first.  
She wished she could say it more politely, say that it was the lilt in her smile and that sparkle in her eyes that she noticed first. But she’s already having such a shitty start to her Monday, so pardon her if this girl with those magnificent set of buns is the only thing good enough to brighten her day.  
She was on her way to work like a responsible adult (unlike her coworker who asked for a day off cause her girlfriend is coming back from Australia) when her trusty maroon Sorento started heaving, feeling more like she’s riding one of those coasters in Lotte world than driving to work. Before she could figure out what was the matter, all the emergency lights started blaring in her dashboard. For a good, few seconds she thought she’s going to die. But lucky for her, she managed.  
It was part luck and part bargaining with the Lord that she’ll go to church every Sunday that Irene believes what help her get to the tire shop. But that odd stroke of luck or blessing didn’t last long. Irene got struck by the overpowering smell of rubber and grimaced when she sees the line of people almost up to the door. It made her feel a wee bit better that it’s just not her who is having such a shitty Monday.  
But maybe the bargaining helped a bit because after her initial cussing, Irene realized that she is standing behind a girl with the hottest ass in the world. The girl is a tiny little thing, probably not more than 5’1, but with a butt like that, who needs height?  
Irene really doesn’t know how to describe it. They look like the girl does 100 squats a day. It's like something that would leave sculptors shook with how perfectly shaped it is. She tried to be discreet about it instead of looking like a perv. Irene kept her eyes somewhere else, on her phone, on the smooth slope of the girl’s neck, or the freckles speckled on the girl’s bright white skin, but everytime just everytime, her gaze would always drift down. It wasn’t until Irene realized that she was licking her lips that she figured out how scary she is getting.  
Irene couldn’t see her face, but she’s not sure if she’s even ready to see how she looks like. She obviously takes care of herself cause she’s dressed up like she’s taken from a Nike catalog, wearing those grey tights with Nike’s plastered on the side that does nothing but accentuates her perfect behind.  
The girl is a true multitasker, texting with one hand while holding her Starbucks coffee in the other. But nobody must really be perfect when the girl almost drops her phone when it started ringing.  
“Hello, Rosie?”  
Okay great, so the girl got a honey voice too?  
“Hey, how’s the trip? I’m sure it was. Yes, I can’t wait to see you too. I’m sorry again that I can’t pick you up but that’s so sweet of her. Oh, she took a day off to spend the da- okay, now you’re just making me jealous here. I know… I know… Okay, I’ll see both tonight, okay? Alright, love you too… bye.”  
“Ma’am?” The tire guy (Irene doesn’t know what to call the guy that works in the tire shop) smiles politely.  
“Oh, my Gosh… I’m sorry for making you wait.”  
Nice body, nice voice and freaking polite. She’s checking every box in Irene’s checklist.  
“No problem ma’am, if we could go take a look at your tire.”  
“Oh yes.”  
The girl finally gets a chance to turn around and all Irene had to say was,  
Oh my God, does she need to look like a doll too?  
Irene didn’t realize how long she was looking until the girl disappeared behind the glass doors,  
“Ummm, Ma’am.” Tire Guy no. 2 was already standing next to her.  
“Oh, I’m sorry.”  
“No problem, we could go look at your car right now.”  
Irene could only mumble something unintelligibly right now; her car is the least of her worries.  
*  
It wasn’t hard to find the girl among the sea of flat tires. The girl had a cute smile on her face trying to shield her face from the criminally hot sun while they walk over to her car.  
Her tire guy was already starting to mumble about the repair and something about her tires being too run down. Irene could only hum in reply, her focus entirely on someone else. She is at the point right now where she would slash all her four tires if it gives her the chance to look at the girl even longer. Irene leans a bit closer and when she sees the kind of car the girl is driving all she could do is huff dreamily.  
A Black Mercedes, of course. Nothing is more worthy to cushion those sweet buns than the leather seats of a luxury car.  
She drives a black Mercedes. That’s not in Irene’s checklist, but for this pretty girl, she will make its own box so that she could check it.  
*  
To say that she doesn’t follow the Mercedes driver anywhere in the tire shop would be a lie. Irene finished first with her transaction, her tire guy told her it’ll take them an hour to finish her car. So right now she’s in their little breakroom debating whether to read Good Housekeeping or the Food Network Magazine to pass her time.  
“Are you going to read that?”  
The familiar honey voice asked and Irene could feel her throat jut at the possibility.  
“Ummm no.”  
“Oh okay,”  
The girl’s pretty fingers picked up the Food Network magazine. Her cute brows squished together as she browses through the cover, eyeing an article that is worth a read.  
“I have always wanted to buy these when I go to the grocery.” The girl speaks again. “But it’s almost six dollars, and I’m like I could just search the recipe on the internet.”  
She flashes a genuine, bright smile; the summer sun would be so jealous of how bright it is. Irene really isn’t the type who starts a conversation with strangers and people who sits next to her, but maybe for once, she could.  
“Ummm yeah.”  
That’s just great. Baby steps, Irene, baby steps.  
Irene opens her mouth, ready to give another try on starting a conversation when her phone starts ringing.  
“Unnie, we have an emergency!” Seulgi basically screamed from the other line.  
Irene narrows her eyes; this was Seulgi who they’re talking about. The girl’s idea of an emergency was Mcdonalds running out of Mcmornings.  
“Okay Seulgi, calm down, what’s the emergency?”  
“I was about to make copies, but the machine said, please load paper!”  
This motherfucker…  
“Okay, that’s not an emergency Seul, all you have to do is go inside the supply closet, look for this rectangular stack labeled paper and then put it inside the copy machine.”  
“Oh! Oh! Oh! I could do that!”  
“Yeah, you go do that!”  
“Thanks, unnie! I’ll call you back.”  
Irene groans, of all the days Jennie’s girlfriend have to arrive it has to be today when everything is going to shits.  
But Seulgi, Seulgi, oh gosh Kang Seulgi. With that lovable smile and those crescent eyes and her heart of gold on why the customers just adore her, but on days like these when they don’t have events and Seulgi’s in the office is when that brain of hers does some damage.  
Irene loves her friend with all her heart but goddamn the way Seulgi think or not think sometimes (most of the time) makes her want to grab a bottle of the stronger liquor in the world and just gulp it down to the last drop.  
Irene is already thinking of all the terrible things waiting for her at work, when she sees Seulgi’s name flashing on her screen again.  
This could be good or bad.  
“UNNIE!”  
After hearing Seulgi’s voice jump a few octaves higher, Irene could already tell that It’s gonna be bad.  
“So, I went to the closet and looked for paper, but there’s no more paper.”  
“No shit.” Irene responded blankly.  
“No shit indeed!”  
“But then remember the super pretty girl that you hired as a secretary last week?”  
“Eunae?”  
“Yes, Eunae. So, she was wearing purple today, and it really looks so nice on her. I want to tell her about it, but I don’t know if that counts as workplace harassment. But then she smiled, like this shy smile that doesn’t really show any teeth, but it still looks so pretty. Anyways, so, she smiled and said… “Good morning Seulgi-shii, how are you? And I don’t know what came up to me, unnie, I just went on panic mode and told her we ran out of paper. But she was so calm about it and said it’s gonna be okay, and that she’s going to place an order right now and it’s gonna come in later today. She’s like a superhero, unnie. I vote for her for employee of the month.”  
Their poor new secretary. The pretty girl (with awesome boobs as Yeri said) was quiet and efficient. But the poor girl probably has no idea what she’s getting into working for them. Now add to dealing with the crazies at work, she has to deal with an adorable dumb bear pining for her heart.  
“And umm… also unnie, I was coming to work, and I saw this pretty flower, so I picked it up cause it reminded me of Eunae. I placed it on her desk, but I didn’t say it was from me. Does it count as workplace harassment?”  
Irene sighs heavily and she has no idea if she’s proud or want to bang her head on the wall with how hopeless her friend is.  
Their workplace harassment seminar last week was more for protocol than anything. They are a small, startup business with around ten girls running the entire scene. Only Seulgi came out of it enlightened, scared shit that her little crush on the new secretary counts as workplace harassment, while Joy and Yeri keep on screaming at each other that they’ll sue each other for workplace harassment. It wasn’t until Yeri told Jennie that she’ll sue her and Jennie replied they have to find your body first that finally put an end to all of it.  
“No Seulgi, it’s okay. I think Eunae would like that. So, are you good now?”  
“Ummm yeah- oh no! I forgot I need the copy for the promotion's event at ten o clock and we still don’t have paper! Unnie!”  
“Okay, here’s what you do get an ax.”  
Irene could imagine the older girl’s brain just going haywire, trying to figure out where an ax is in their office.  
“An ax?”  
“Or a chainsaw, whatever works and go outside find the biggest tree you can find and then chop it off, and then you grind it, before mixing it with water until it turns into a paste, then wait for it to dry under the sun so you could have your paper.”  
“Wait… but wouldn’t that take a long time?”  
Is Seulgi really considering on doing that?  
“Yes, it will. So, here is what you do, go inside Jennie’s office…”  
“Hold on, Jennie’s office?”  
Irene understands the fear in Seulgi’s voice, but in their office only two people are powerful enough to get their own printers. It’s her and Jennie Kim, and there is no way she’s going to volunteer her stack of papers, so Jennie would just have a nice surprise tomorrow when she gets back to work. But Jennie has some serious printer issues. She is like the North Korea of printers; she hoards them paper like they hoard their bombs.  
Her printer is always fully stacked. One time she saw Jennie load more paper after printing four pages. Jennie is gonna go Thanos on poor Seulgi tomorrow when her printer would “accidentally” run out of paper, but at least Seulgi gets her paper today.  
“Yes, Jennie’s office, she hoards all the paper anyway. So, just go to her office, go to her printer and get as much paper as you want.”  
“I…I…I…I…I…I”  
“I’m going to go to Jennie’s office and get paper, now you go do that, Seulgi. Bye!”  
“Unniiiee!”  
Was the last thing Irene heard before she ends the call.  
“Trouble at work?”  
“Ummmm…”  
Oh shit, is she going to say what a terrible coworker she is?  
“Oh, I’m sorry for listening in, it’s just that. It’s kinda funny, you must be a funny boss.”  
“Oh no, you think I’m funny? My manager held the vending machine and coffee machine hostage until someone returns her Gel Pens.”  
“Oh my God…” The girl’s brow bobs so high, Irene got scared it flew off her forehead. “I didn’t even know you can hold a vending machine hostage.”  
“Oh, you could.”  
Irene nods, she didn’t know it was possible either but Jennie Kim prove everyone wrong. She put superglue on the coin and cash dispenser, so people could just mourn longingly for their bag of chips and soda through the glass while trying to scrape off the glue.  
Yeri was going to play the office hero and be the one that rescues the vending machine. She starts scraping off the glue, Joy just told her to give it up and said that Jennie is just bitchier than usual cause she’s not getting any for two weeks with her girlfriend flying off to Australia.  
Yeri gave up after five minutes.  
“It is. By the end of the day, we all decided just to get her new ones. The 32 pack one which has eight more additional colors than she had. Needless to say, she was happy.”  
“Was the vending machine and coffeemaker, okay?”  
“Yeah, they were unharmed, but they were both traumatized after living that nightmare. They are receiving therapy now, and I could see an improvement.”  
If there was something bright about this day, it was hearing her chuckles. Her chuckle and her voice, in particular, would be how sunshine would sound like.  
“Ummm so, how about you? You… ummm… you have a day off?”  
“Me? Yes finally.” Wendy’s brow shot up dramatically. It was both cute and funny at the same time. “I just came from a 48 hour shift, my tire got messed up two days ago, but luckily I had this run flat tires. So I’m like let me just get to work, let me just get to work. So, yeah, after my shift end this morning I took a shower and just took my car here. That’s why I look like such a hot mess.”  
She looks like a hot mess now? Irene can’t imagine when she’s not.  
“Ah, so 48 hour shift? You’re ummm a firefighter?”  
Bae Irene you need to stop hanging out with Yeri because your brain is getting pulverized. Thankfully that earned a giggle from the other girl.  
“No, ummmm… I’m a doctor.”  
Oh wow… So she drives a Mercedes, fucking adorable, has a nice ass and now she’s a doctor too?  
“Yesterday I had like a five year old who swallowed a lego.”  
“That’s intense.”  
“Well, that’s nothing compared to other things. I had a kid who shoved playdo up his b-“ She was able to stop before she grosses Irene out. “ummm yeah.”  
“Oh shit.”  
“Like yup. Quite literally.” The girl turns to face her, those pretty brown eyes sparkling before she said. “I’m Wendy by the way.”  
“I’m Irene.”  
“So, are you up for a quiz, Irene?” Wendy said, her smile bordering on smug but still cute nonetheless.  
“Ahhh quiz?”  
“Yup. What kind of dessert are you?”  
“There’s a quiz for that?”  
“Yup. I would think you’re a hmm…” Wendy’s brows did the talking for her again, and Irene is beginning to think how she could just stare at it. “A pie.”  
“A pie?”  
“Yeah. Like you think you know how it taste, but once you dig in, you realize you have never eaten anything as good as this.”  
Irene wished her grin wouldn’t be too obvious from the greasy description.  
“And you’ll be an ice cream.”  
“An ice cream?”  
“Just sweet through and through.”  
Wendy’s smile brightens up again before she said.  
“I like that.”  
And as Wendy did a very dramatic reading of the questions, Irene is beginning to think that maybe today wasn’t such a bad start to her Monday. No, her flat tire is worth sitting and smiling next to this sunshine.  
*  
“So, you have to get back to work?”  
Irene thought it might be the summer heat that is making her believe that there is a hint of disappointment in Wendy’s tone.  
“Ummm well yeah, kinda.”  
She doesn’t want to; she really doesn’t want to.  
“Are you going to take that well deserved sleep?”  
Wendy laughs again, looking like she’s straight out of a summer music video when she brushes a loose strand of hair off her pretty face.  
“Maybe for a bit, I have to prepare dinner since my cousin is back from her trip. She can’t cook so she probably didn’t eat a decent meal for two weeks.”  
This was one of the cute things she realized about Wendy, ask her a yes or no question, you get an entire 500-word paragraph.  
“Ahhhh… you’re a sweet unnie.”  
“I try. Well, it was really nice to meet you.”  
“You too.”  
“Maybe next time when our tires get flat again, we will see each other.”  
“Or maybe when we get an oil change. I read they offer oil change here too.”  
“Sure. Let me know.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Nice to meet you again, Irene.”  
“You too, Wendy.”  
“Until our next car appointment.”  
“Until then.”  
Wendy bows down like the polite girl that she is, before turning around and Irene caught sight of those glorious pieces of heaven in those Nike tights again. But after getting a quiz on what kind of dessert she is, after seeing Wendy’s bright smile and hearing that melodious chuckle, and above all, seeing those cute brows act and react to everything, Irene have to admit that Wendy’s butt is the last thing she notices right now.  
She sucks in a deep breath before thinking of the possibilities. Jennie is off today so that leaves Joy as next in command in the office. Joy is responsible but could be a hothead that Irene wouldn’t be surprised if there is a missing person’s report file on Yeri one of these days. Yeri, the Jerry to Joy’s Tom.  
Yeri might end up in the dumpster by the end of the workday. Seulgi is much of a soft teddy bear to play referee and Lisa and her own sister Jisoo might just end up betting on who would live, but they should be okay, right?  
“Wendy?”  
“Yes?”  
Irene almost got run over by a car trying to chase down Wendy (it looks more romantic on movies) before the Doctor could reach out for her car.  
“I ummmm… it’s close to lunchtime, would you like to ummm… I mean Panera Bread is like right around the corner, would you like to grab something to eat?”  
The usual bright smile in Wendy’s face turned shy, and Irene wonders which one is more adorable.  
“I would love too. I think they got a good pie there.” Wendy said, her lips quirking into a playful smirk.  
Irene returns the smile with an equally playful one.  
“Good. But I think I’m in the mood for some ice cream.”  
The End


End file.
